Ahh the beauty of it all. The luscious moss, dripping off the sides of the trees. The trees themselves, grandiose and strong. The smell is overwhelming, the essence of freedom and life that it gives off.
One deep breathe, and you forget it all. One deep breathe and you become it all.
I continue my stroll, feeling the grass drape itself over my toes. The softness, the liveliness. It shouts green, it whispers life.
“Tell me all your secrets, tell me where you came from”
I kneel down, rub my hands through it. It embraces everything it touches. It continues to call my name, and I am powerless to its beauty. I lay down. Let it speak to me. It holds me as the rays of the sun creep through the trees. They creep closer, advancing forward in silence, bringing its warmth along for the ride. It starts with the toes, climbs up through the legs, embraces my torso, massages my arms, and covers my face. Tingles run down my skin as my body embraces what gives it life. I close my eyes, let the beauty sink in.
The warmth
The cool
Then the singing commences. The strange conversation between friends. I open my eyes, and there on the branch above me sit two birds. Moving their heads as they do, casually talking away. Then one swift, long soothing note, and the orchestra arrives.
A charm of hummingbirds heads down to the sage. adding their swift fluttering to the work in progress.
A jar of nuthatches comb the branches for insects, bringing along their soothing song.
I get up and continue my stroll, now heading down to the lake. Another silent wonder, for the water sits peacefully. Out of the ordinary, for when I was young they taught me that the water was blue, but here, it’s clear. Like a dense and wet cloak of air surrounding your body. Refreshment at its maximum. They say flying occurs in the sky, but I learned otherwise.
Here is where I spend the rest of my days, This is now my home.
I enjoyed my earlier days, surrounded by a busy life, with new faces passing by everyday, but that was not for me. For no matter what surrounded me, I still found nature in the grey. It still managed to creep in, to embrace me, and to call my name. My biggest love is for life, and anytime it calls out to me, I foolishly listen. It’s a relationship that not everybody understands, and I always knew that. I knew the time would come when i would give in and just disappear. I simply had to wait until I set things in order.
I am never lonely when i am alone. This is when I feel my most comfortable, my most creative, my most loved, and my most alive. Yet living here, I came to realize that i’m not truly alone. I still operated at my peak, but now i was surrounded by what my body calls home.
Here, every cell in my body feels safe. My skin responds when the sun calls its name. My lungs shout when they meet the air. Here, I became human.
I remember the first time I mentioned this dream out loud.
“What do you want to do in the future?”
“I want to retire and live in the forest”
“Haha you crazy guy, but what do you really want to do?”
And from there, I understood they would never really know the real me. This brought a sense of peace, for no matter what I would do in my life, and what decisions I would take, people would never define me for who I truly am. 99% would be the closest they could come.
And I wondered why they laughed. Was it foolish to leave it all and live out there? The place where our past fought to survive. The place where so many died in the attempt to evolve our species and arrive to where we are now.
I now approached this differently. I didn’t tell them what i wanted to do, but I asked them what they thought about the idea.
They said I would get sick, they said I would be lonely, the said I would starve, that I would be attacked, that I would become a savage, that I would be primitive, that I would not like it. Where would I live? In the forest, where the bugs are and the predators stalk at night? I need protection. What would you eat? Would you learn to hunt or would you turn to agriculture? There would be no doctors close by in case I slipped up one day and made a mistake. How would I get in contact with anybody? There is no technology in the wild.
But then I realized. I am not going back in time, I am going out to nature.
They presented valid points, all of which helped me to define what and how i wanted to do it, but it’s not like i am leaving today. I have a plan. I know what i will need.
I will have my house there. I will seamlessly integrate technology with nature. I will not affect my neighbors, but I will set down the preparations needed to transition in peace. To eat? I am a quick learner. To protect me? I will have my house. To heal me? I will have my connections.
I will no longer be present, but the present will not disappear from me.
Benign Laughter 